Commitment

            My alarm goes off and I hit the snooze. I don’t want to get up. I’m tired. I feel myself unable to go back to sleep but close my eyes in the warmth of my bed so I can soak up the last few minutes of unconscious rest. I finally get up and walk straight into the shower. Its warmth almost refreshes me like a cup of coffee. As I get dressed, I put on a tv show and snack on a poptart. I check my email before I leave in case there are any last minute changes I need to know.

            I start to wake up on the drive to church. My thoughts are flying this morning and I’m thinking about something a friend said to me. “Don’t ask your congregation why they go to church? Such a question would make them want to answer it and if they don’t have an answer, they may stop going to church or at the very least your church.”

            I don’t like this thought even though I think about the possible validity of it. It creates a lifestyle founded in fear and distrust. I think also makes you assume people are stupid. I don’t like thinking people as stupid and I don’t want to live in fear. As I think about this and my response to it, I think about commitment.

            I think: “I’m committed to my church.” Later when my church discusses the topic of commitment, I see commitment as an issue everyone struggles with to some degree or another. Some people spoke about commitment with a knowledgeable caution as if commitment to something has cost them more than they wanted or expected. Is commitment good? Of course, I think. Maybe wisdom is needed when I am on the verge of making a commitment. I think about marriage and think about what marriage would look like if there were no commitment. I think if my job wasn’t committed to me as much as I was committed to it, I would or might be unemployed.

            But what does commitment mean when it comes to church? Is commitment the right word to use? Even though I hit the snooze and I may be tired, cranky, lazy, unwilling, close-minded, hungry and in desperate need of my first cup of coffee for the day, I still go and spend my morning among my church family. Even when my flesh calls out for a morning of working through a season of a tv show I fell behind in watching.

            I close my eyes and try to pay attention to the music. I try to connect to what is going on in the service. My mind feels tired from a long week. I’m hungry with a thousand different desires that I can access by the Internet. If I want something bad enough, it isn’t hard for me to get it. But this doesn’t help me to be more committed to something. I think maybe it makes me less committed to everything around me. Maybe it makes me less attached.

            I’m committed to my church, but as I hit the third red light on the way there, I consider if I need a starbucks fix. What if, I’m afraid to think, God wants more from me than commitment? What if commitment isn’t enough? I wrestle with my faith and ask, do I expect God to show up with answers to prayers as fast as I expect packages from Amazon Prime?

            I’m not saying God is displeased with me about going to church or me being committed to my church. I’m not saying God is displeased with technology. But I wonder is God please with the attitude I have when it comes to me being committed?

            Later, someone said a word that hit me. It continued this strain of thought and lifted me. As time stood still and all became clear. I scratched my head and think about it. And then as if inserting the word into a sentence, I consider, “What does loyalty to your church look like? Does it look different from commitment?”

            Playoff season and I watch with pleasure as the Packers lose. Not because it’s the Packers but because they beat my beloved Bears. And in defeating the Bears, it kept them from the playoffs. Whether the Bears win or lose, I’m a fan. Whether they win or lose – I’m loyal. My imagination wanders. A husband who doesn’t look at another woman because he is so committed to his wife that other women aren’t even appealing to him. I go to the same mechanic because I’m loyal, but maybe more than that – I trust him. I purchase the same brands of food because I’m loyal to it. I know what to expect when I buy it. There’s trust in there too.

            Loyalty encompasses commitment but also more than that. It goes with trust. Loyalty also is like becoming a fan. You want what you are loyal to to succeed. And If God wants more than me dragging my feet but showing up on Sunday morning alert, ready, happy, trusting, and a fan of those around me wanting them to succeed cause their success is also my success.

            God is loyal to us. We don’t deserve it. Our wins or losses are his also. What if God wants us more than just a striving commitment but a joyous loyalty? How can I do this? How can I change how I look at going to church to make it more honoring to God? What attitudes interfere with me being loyal to those around me? In what ways can I act out of love and trust rather than fear and ignorance? How can I become more loyal?